My Fear

The scary thing about life is your own fear. Like your 16 and when you find out that your pregnant, or when you get pulled over for a killing someone or speeding. Spider, bugs, germs. Everything you see as a hazard, you stay a distance from them.
My fear is what people think about me. Ever since I was little, my father treated me like a little boy. SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! I wasn't afraid of anything. I would play football, basketball, any kinda sport out their that guys played during break. They were afraid of me. I didn't understand.  No guys wanted to date me or nothing.. I was to masculine and guys just wanted someone who was pretty, do anything for them. Blahh, blahhh, blahhh, blahh!!!
So during the summer, I asked my mother to help me with a make over. The day I got back from summer, the guy that rejected me, came up to me and told me that I was hot!
After the first semester, I found out that guys were jerks anyways, I would rather just knock them out on the field. Don't change who you are!
I am not a groupy, I love sitting alone and reading my book. Anti-Social you may call it. I just feel safe this way.

day 2 of summer

So complaining all yesterday about how this is going to be a long summer and how boaring my last summer was going to be.... My mother decided to me to my little sister 's school and help her with her last final. Which it contained painting a shed for the sports program. So I go to the school and my lovely sister would not allow me to paint on the stupid shed at all. Instead I was allowed to sand paper the poles. That took about fifteen mins, and she took up about two more hours. It was still boaring.
Than drama started with how my father has not sent the child support in three weeks. And how broke we were. How he is ruining our lives and all that stupid shit. I am with sitting in the back yard reading the Poison Wood Bible. Watching my Bunny running around.
The most exciting thing that happened is when Matthew stopped by to have some lemonade with him. We started planning on our trip to the water park. And how close our two years is going to be. I love that boy.

June 9, 2013

So the first couple days of summer have really sucked. Well not totally. A lot of my plans have been made last minute. It tends to be worth it though. It is my real last summer and I want it to be perfect. Yet, nothing is perfect.
Matthew took me on our first date. Went bowling and to boomers. Got some ice cream as well. Best thing of all, NO PARENTS! No one to watch over our moves and everything. I  honestly felt something came out of it. Like we are closer together. That reminds me, he keeps bringing up marriage and moving in after graduation. That is a little scary. I don't think I am ready for that. He wants me to give up softball, so I can be a mother.
Yea, I would love to be a mother and all, but after two years of college. I would have a back up plan. I want to learn something new on my own. Hmmmm.............